So I am still up. 2:32am to be exact. I was supposed to start drafting my presentation for our Quarter 2 Business Review. I opened the blank keynote file, I opened the excel files that I needed, and I listened to songs that may help me calm down, but nothing. The blank keynote file is still blank. The excel files unedited, the songs made me yawn, my brain refuses to function for it was overwhelmed with all the data that I had to understand to create an outstanding report.
I have been a supervisor for a year and a month now. I can say that I have adjusted to the hype. Perks come with the title as expected. You get to handle people in hopes that they become just like you or better after you passed along all the things that you could teach them.
It has been a good few months for me but I have recently felt purposeless. I feel exhausted. I feel demotivated. I feel worthless. You may assume that I earn more than everybody else because of the position. Yes, but the truth is, I have reached the point where I am questioning myself as to why I choose to stay even if I know that I could get a job easily earning more and I would only be required to come in for work 5 times a week with 2 consecutive rest days. My brain tells me that this is not what I should settle for.
Madness, you might say. You might think that I am a fool for not being contented with what I have achieved in my life. To be recognized as a person who can lead. I truly am thankful that I get to do this but sometimes I feel that I am wasting my time. WHY? One word to explain my sentiments : MANIPULATION.
I shall continue to be a leader to the people who depend on me because my heart tells me so but I will also continue to dream of being in a better place other than the rotting place I am in now.
