Midlife Crisis

As a major evolutionary stage in middle adulthood, the midlife crisis corresponds to a change, a transition, or an existential turning point that is not necessarily pathological and takes place somewhere between the ages of thirty-five and fifty.

Am I somewhere between 35 and 50? I don't think so. But how could I explain what is happening to me now?

Before, when I was younger, I used to dream of having the life which for me, is good enough. A life, with not a lot of money but just enough; A life with someone who will love me for the rest of my life, have a house of our own, a family, and jobs that will pay for everything; And a life that's simple but happy. 

Things didn't go as I wanted them to be. My father got sick and eventually passed away which led me to work abroad to support my family. I was the eldest, that was expected of me. I wasn't selfish and I sacrificed my own happiness for the benefit of others.

I am in debt and I still don't know how to pay for everything that I owe. I work as hard as I could but still it isn't enough. I want to save money for myself but I end up giving everything.

I clean bathrooms for a living, and now I think that I will for the rest of my living years. So much for having a family of my own. 

I have been searching for that person that will love me and accept me in spite of everything that I have been through. I've been searching and waiting for God knows how long, I always ended up with nothing. And now, I found him. He is perfect. But how come I always think and feel that I don't deserve him?

Somebody once told me, that one shouldn't give up even if one have been through a lot of frustrations because someday, God will give you twice as much of everything that you have desired. I am now feeling that somehow but I feel like I don't deserve it.

I have now decided that I will just let him go because he has a great deal of good things ahead of him and I will just be someone who will not let that happen if I choose to continue being with him. I'll ruin everything for him because he'll be stuck with a no-good-for-anything like me.

This really hurts. This feels so unfair. But this is for his own good. I know he won't forgive me but I know that someday he will realize that he deserves someone much better.

I love you so much. I really do. I hope for only the best for you. I am really sorry. Goodbye Teejay Espeña.

Bored out of my mind

I don't have work for  the weekend. That means 2 whole days off just blabbering about on Facebook. I was kind of excited about it because I think that it is the first time since I got back from the Philippines that I would get to experience 2 whole days without cleaning bathrooms. Also kind of excited because I hoped to see Tj on Yahoo Messenger (The messenger that makes it all happen). But I forgot, Yeah, I did forget. He was off to Dumaguete for a mission (SFC). And to make matters worse, he gets to be there for 5 days. What a treat! I've been having a bad week. I was kind of in an emotional breakdown. I missed him so much. I haven't felt this before. Literally a meltdown. I cried when he texts me. I cried after I have spoken to him on the phone. I cried before I slept and I cried when I woke up. I couldn't believe it. What could possibly be wrong with me?

But wanting to be a good girlfriend, I shrugged it off. I didn't want him to feel upset because I was acting inappropriately all of a sudden. This was just not the right time for it. Besides, it's not everyday that you get to go to places like where he is now. He deserves to be happy and worry free. Worry free of a girlfriend who acts like a crazy person just because she misses him so badly. :'(

Big bites

When I came here, I haven't got a clue. A clue on what to do when it comes to cooking. I didn't know anything except for frying here and frying there. Well maybe a little on Filipino dishes but I couldn't say that I am an expert know-it-all chef. This actually is one of my biggest frustrations, I would love to cook if anybody would've said that what I made tastes good. But then, thanks to my boss, Jen, who was patient and sweet enough to teach me and say that I am a fast learner. I now know how to make some of the most incredibly delicious food I have tasted by far. She taught me well. :)

Baking fascinates me. I love baking. I love mixing the ingredients up, I love measuring cups and baking pans, I love the smell of bread and cookies while they're in the oven. I love everything about it and what I would love to have is this amazing baking tool that my boss has. It just does wonderful things. :)

White and Wheat Bread

 Chocolate Chip Cookies

Since pork isn't allowed in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, we mostly feast on chicken and beef. Just imagine what you could do (recipes) using these meats for lunch and dinner. I didn't even know that you could put that much cheese into food but now I know that it makes a whole lot of difference, in a good way of course. Cheese just makes it feel like heaven to me. 

Here are some recipes that makes my day all the time: 

Beef Tacos

Bruschetta Chicken 

Roux

- Soup Thickener

  *Have you heard about such a word? I haven't until now.

..Useful things and remedies to make everything perfect for the most perfect soup I have ever tasted. Love it and will love it forevermore.

             Creamy Broccoli Soup

Having been able to make a family happy because I make them lunch or dinner, and hearing them say thank you and I did a great job makes me feel that I made something right, an accomplishment at the end of the day makes me satisfied. And at the same time learning all these things will help and give me advantages in the long run because I'll then make my hubby happy. :)