Autistic

Being relentlessly above all other expectations that a self-made person could implicate in her own self could really be exhausting. The feeling of wanting to reach the zenith of everything from your own point of view is not really that hard to achieve if you have all the will and the strength to do so. Yet it is exhausting due to the fact that you batter yourself up so you even are close to feeling like an achiever. I am one of these kinds. I came from a Kin of people who blows things out of proportion.

 Along the journey to a full lived life, you meet all sorts of people. Ones that you consider below you so you treat them like slaves; Ones that you consider mediators so you listen to them but you still do things your way; And ones that you consider your equal so you compete with them or do better than them because you feel threatened.  No one is ever above you. In your own little world, no one can surpass all there is that you think you know because to you, you have been through almost everything, and no one can compare to all the pain and the suffering that you endured. That makes you think that you know it all.

Sadly, these complexities lead to over thinking. When you have opinions, you expect everybody to think that everything that comes out of your mouth is right. You can’t be wrong because you are fixated with the idea that you know everything. What you say should be done otherwise you will feel unimportant and left out.

Disregarding other people’s emotions is not a big deal for you because you think that you are more hurt than they are.

You make big plans ahead of time because that is one of the features that you possess and when someone disagrees with everything that you come up with, you walk away or sometimes run and you would want someone to run after you when you do so. If this doesn’t happen, you would again feel all the hurt that you have been through from the day that you knew that pain existed up to the pain that you currently are suffering from.

Every day is a struggle for you. Every day, your heart is susceptible to perforation. It is expected of the people around you to make you happy and to understand you regardless if you are wrong or just over reacting. Every day, somebody needs to remind you how much you are loved and cared for.

You are special.

 You are autistic.

This is not a choice that you have made.

 This is just a condition that you have no control over.