Yet another

He is the one, the one that I prayed for all my life. He loved me. He did. And I know that. I felt that. But still, I broke up with him. I let him go. I feel stupid right now. I feel like somebody is telling me that I am. But I feel more stupid when I feel really lonely and he doesn’t care. When I’m crying and he doesn’t have the right things to say. When I want to talk to him and he makes me feel that he wants to be somewhere else. When I want to talk about how much we love each other and all he can think of talking about is making love with me. When I have all these plans for our future and he just says yes as if he doesn’t care about it. And when I run away and he doesn’t come after me. He makes me happy. He is everything to me. I did almost everything. I even became a bad person. A person that according to him, isn’t good for him. I feel worthless. Why can’t I be his everything? Am I not worthy to be given everything? Am I not worthy to be chased after like any other girl?

He doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t know how to make me feel better.

I know that most of the time I am unbearable. And I know that loving for me sometimes is the same as owning. I can’t trust him because as immature as it may sound, he doesn’t assure me. I’m scared to lose him. That is why I need to be told as often as possible that I’m the only one that he loves and he will never leave me.

I feel like he has grown tired of us for quite some time now. I feel like he was just waiting for this day to come that I would break up with him. And I feel like he is praying that I won’t call him anymore. I feel like he is relieved and happy.

Why can’t you make me feel better? Do you not love me anymore?