I love you but I don't have to like you right now

Here's one thing that you can mock about:


You just lost your girlfriend and I hope you are happy about it.


There are things that you want to do but you just can't. For example: I wanted to be a good girlfriend. I tried. I kept trying. But he just pushes me to the opposite direction.


I might be an odd person. I might not be easy to get along with because I may be different from others because I know what I want and I tell people how I want things to be.


From the start, I wanted simple things from him and I specifically reiterated that he complies. But during the almost 7 months that we have had this relationship, he just doesn't get it. These are just simple things that I want for God's sake. How can this be too hard?


Since we're far from each other, a long distance relationship, I just wanted text messages from time to time to know where he is, what and how he's doing, and I just wanted time.


Oftentimes he complies but most of the time, he keeps forgetting. And so, that just gives me the impression that sometimes he doesn't care. 


I work all day, I try to make sure that he knows I'm okay. I call him the minute I get home because I miss him so much all the time. I just want him to appreciate all this.


I know, yeah, I know, he's got a mind of his own, he has his own things to do and his world just can't rotate around me. Admittedly, I find this hard to accept. I love him too much. I might even be crazy about him.


I was actually practicing : "being good" for a week now. But still we had a fight tonight. I kept calm. I waited to be calm before I called him. But then I just got mocked about. I told him to stop. I wondered what was wrong with him. He just made me so mad. He made me do this. I called the relationship off.


This might be good. So much for my grand plan. Now I can just think of myself. Maybe I have always been alone. I am meant to be alone.


This should be hard and I don't want my love for him to be swallowed by all of the hatred that i feel for him right now.


I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I'm not good at this. And I'm sorry that you think that it is always my fault.


I love you. God knows how much I do but "I'm done. And I quit."