The screaming poet inside me : Retrieved poems Part III

agony




silence. All I can hear is silence.

I have reached almost the highest peak and yet I still hear silence.

I wanted more but no one can even give me just enough.

I needed some to keep me feel alive but nothing ever came, no one cared.

I feel dead and empty.

Satisfying every inch of me with just a pack of cigarettes.

Would I again settle for less?

Would I again say yes to words that was uttered

and that i would have everything that has been promised?

I am a fool.

A fool for this feeling that hurts more and more every passing minute.

Smoke came in and out.

Am I calm?

I yearn, endless yearning.

Waiting for another hour to come, then another.

Would I still have the chance to be with you?

Would you make me feel alive once more?,,




supercalifragilisticexpialidocious


The day has passed and darkness has fallen
I still think of you and of all that I have forsaken
Everything just has to be hidden
And now I'm driven away
Away from you and all that could have been given,,

Numb my heart has been
Blind my eyes to those that can be obviously seen
Now hurt my soul feels
Hurt that could not just be wiped away by words that you will utter
It won't come clean,,

Now my heart, my eyes, and my mouth are stitched shut
Pieces won't fall off
Total darkness is the punishment for pretending not to see
And words won't be uttered
For words are just words
They won't make any difference
Everything just won't come clean,,




m.l.o.t.p.


the silence of the night creeps inside me
slowly crawling into my body
like a stagnant waterfall
i relished the overwhelming sensation
a minute felt like an hour
and hours turned to days
days of which I longed to feel the warmth of your kiss,,


I closed my eyes
then memories of making passionate love with you
came into my mind
I felt your body close to mine
I felt a kiss
a kiss that makes the sparks of me ignite
you are touching my face
gently
like I'm your damsel in distress
you are touching my breasts
gently
you slowly caressed
I stroked every inch of you
bit your lips like you want me to
a minute felt like an hour
and hours turned to days
days of which I'd still long to feel the warmth of your kiss,,


I closed my eyes again
reminiscent of the nights we have stolen
like thieves we run to a place
where we would be alone
a place where we would make
passionate love until daybreak
love which we both share
love which I now could not bear
I now feel you inside me
a picture where my body ends and yours begin
our bodies feel the same heat as we move
slowly moving like dancing
dancing to a music only our ears can hear
a minute felt like an hour
and hours turned to days
days of which I will crave further
for the warmth of your kiss,,

02/20/2009




my abode


abducted by the stillness of loneliness
I crumble
struggled to find a way back to my abode
but no matter how hard I try to abstain from trembling
I still fell into the abyss of my abstract delusion
am I to blame and accused of a crime
that I was addicted to?
love is impossible to contain
and so is the loneliness I feel
for you took my heart
I crumble,,


these stabs of pain are anonymous
would you give my heart back
before I drown in my own blood?
I'm anxious
you then feed me with apologies
for you can't give my heart back
do you truly love me?
I'm abiguous,,


I now vomit for I'm full of your apologies
I wiped my mouth dry
stood up and continued to struggle my way back to my abode
to my abode, my innerself, where there is a soul
a soul who feels battered and torn
to my abode where it is safe and sound, I can heal my battered soul
though without a heart
I would still heal and be whole,,
02/18/2009




love actually


a man makes a woman special
by giving her flowers
that is not hard to do
a man satisfies a woman
by giving her pleasure
that too, would not be hard to do
but can a man make a woman
completely happy with these plain gestures?
or does she need more?
more tha any simple man could do
to make her feel that you indeed, are true,,


what proof could you present
to one who seeks devotion?
proof of thy love
which could not be conquered by all
would you snatch a star from above?
would you cross deserts and swim shores?
how would you prove your love
to such a peculiar soul?,,


i don't need flowers
i don't need pleasure
i don' need a star
i don't need deserts or shores
i just need someone by my side
someone who will put a smile on my face
and say everything will be fine,
you have me to have and to hold
i only need simple things
i only need you,,
02/11/2009




lonesome


Lonesome
I have deprived myself of cigarettes
who were once my companion
blurred imagery of you
is now being the center of my thoughts
why are they not clear?
why are they hollow?
Is it it because you are drifting away?
Or am I being shallow?,,


Lonesome
I am now deprived of alcohol
which is there when I feel abandoned
emptiness is filling my body
I wish I could have been drunk
than sober
where are your hugs and kisses?
where are you when I need you the most?,,
02/10/2009


missing you


A smile would only be a smile
if it was not you who made me smile
A kiss would only be a kiss
if It were not your lips
whom I felt with mine
An embrace would only be an embrace
if it were not your arms who held me tight
And memories would only be memories
if it was not you
whom I shared them by,,

Love would only be love
if my heart was not mended by you
I could have died
Loneliness was more than loneliness
when you were not here by my side
Now a sonnet I can sing
because you have given me life
Swaying to the music that you bring
I am revived,,

Everything about you, I miss
Being without you is such a mournful bliss
How will I be used to being like this?
I hope it would be soon emough
after a goodbye kiss,,




blue


why are chances never taken?
if two hearts feel love,
would the other half be broken?
if two souls intertwine,
will the other half hope for happiness
and will the other half just always
feel satisfaction and move on?
will it never look back?
will it leave the hopeless soul rotten?,,

do you realy love me,
like you always say you do?
why can't i feel that you
want to be with me?
why is that too hard to do?
is this all my fault?
am i the one to be blamed
because i feel unsure?
unsure that someone will love me again
and never make me feel blue
am i expecting too much?
is asking you to love me too,
too hard to do?,,

you left me hanging
will i always be left alone?
miserable and blue,,
07/05/2008




dream


as the night drift by so fast
i think of you
i'm lost in a vast
do you think of me too
as your nights pass?
questions will be unanswered
until you come back,,


was there something that i could have done?
could i have stopped the clock from ticking
to make things undone?
should i have said that i love you?
could i have?
could i have not?,,


soon the sun would dawn on me
i think of you still
as i become hypnotized by the sand man
will you think of me too
when you dream in your slumber?
questions will be unanswered
because you intend not to come back
and for you,
it is all over,,
04/08/2008




jane tishrock


missing you gives me restraint
a picture of you and me
that is hard to paint
struggling to live a life like a saint
if i follow my heart,
you will taint,,


mad about this
mad about that
mad about you again
it makes me sad
seeing you sing for me
makes me want more of you so bad,,


scattered pieces that i picked up
is now scatterred again for i fell hard
i don't know if i could stand again
let me know if i will be denied,,




heavenly bodies


the moon frowned by 1 o'clock
it must have felt that i loved you
it was all coming back
uncertain, is how i always was
now i figured that i still am
everytime i see you
i'm out of luck,,

a star cried by 2 o'clock
it must have felt my sorrow
i wished for something
that made it feel impossible to grant
kisses, embraces, glances
i borrowed
it was all there but shallow
it was only my heart that i followed,,

will the sun shine by 7 o'clock?
will it smile for me?
will it make me crave for more?
more of a new life
without thinking of what was in store
for tomorrow,,
03/02/2008




sinful soul


love that forbids one to love
a kiss from an unforgiven sin
i shared my soul
but then i hurt another soul
i have touched your heart
but it breaks her right to the core,,


i am rotten
i am such a sinful soul
i am joke
i always end up being alone,,


hate that forbids one happiness
a stab in the back from an action not intended
i never meant to love you
but why do i breathe of you
if i don't mean to?,,


i am lost again
in a maze that i created
will i remember the way out?
or let myself die in the cold?
will i stay in a dark hole?
wait for someone to pick me up again
and make me whole,,


*for someone who has such a beautiful soul,
thank you for making me feel loved again.
11/15/2007




a piece of love


shine on me
bring back my light
i have been in light years of abandonment
i cry of moondust
behind pale blue eyes,,

i kept my yearning
for perfection in  love
a secet hidden
beneath a con of smiles
but now i know
that there is no reality
for my desires,,

shine on me
bring back my light
give me even just a piece of love
to brighten my life
though nothing
will even be close to being perfect
a piece would be enough
for me to be alive,,
06/26/2007




....


i slowly turn to ashes
as time pass me by
the angel of death 
is taking me away
i am holding on to get by
those mistakes done,
this wated life
are the reasons why.
take my hand and rescue me
dusk is leaping
let my sorrow fade
give me a second life,,
05/29/2007




my own prison


shining like a beam of darkness
covered every inch of me as a whole
a mournful bliss of grudges
spreading with spikes and thorns
they never left me
they feasted on what was left
of my dying soul,,


incarcerated in my own
rotten, unforgiven, dark hole
i laid hopeless on the floor
i could not eat
i could not sleep
and i tortured myself more,,


day and night dreams forgotten
but torn failures and mistakes remained
could i have lived more?
the whispering voices of the past
won't let me forget
and happiness?
no more,,
05/26/2007