Just happy :))

After two weeks of not seeing each other on Yahoo Messenger, we chatted for about an hour tonight. I missed him. I miss seeing his silly antics. I miss looking at his face while he laughs. And for the most part of it, I really want to go home. I envy the people around him because they get to be with him. Why do I always end up missing him more right after I talk to him on the phone? Damn it. We just got out of a bad fight. I didn't talk to him for 2 days. He may be thinking that it was all because of his trip to Dumaguete, but it wasn't all about that. 30 percent of it because I was worried about him, yes, I have told him a million times, I need to know what he is doing, where exactly he is at, and what he was planning to do next from time to time because I tend to worry about him too much. You could almost say that my mobile phone is the one that I am in a relationship with because I couldn't  live without it. It's the only thing that I have so I can get to him. And yet, it just is too hard for him to give me what I want. The other 70 percent was because I was betrayed by my alter ego again. She kept telling me that I should be fair to him because if I continue to choose to not let him go, I would just pull him down with me and my miserable life. It dawned on me. I am stuck here. I'll be like this for the rest of my life. He has a lot of good things ahead of him and I'll just put a stop to it all if I would be in his life. I cried and cried and cried. I thought it was unfair. I have found him and yet I felt that he didn't deserve somebody like me. I told him this earlier today. I even asked him to just break up with me and end all this. He then said, "I'll be with you all the way through. I love you so much. I don't want to loose you." That made me happy and relieved. He told me that he is willing to go through anything as long as he has me in his life. I called him earlier. He was telling me about SFC (Singles For Christ). How happy he was with using his talent to serve God. He suggested that I should try joining. He then explained further. He told me, God gives us a lot of blessings everyday and we shouldn't just say that "Yeah, he'll just be there, I don't need to do anything, and if I need to ask for help, then I'll just pray." He said that it wasn't like that for him because we should thank God for everything through serving him in our own little way. I couldn't agree with him more. He was right and I respect and will support him in everything that he does as long as it makes him happy. And speaking of happy, there are three things that made me most happy today: 1 He told me that he was happy that we weren't having a fight at all (it's been days since we had one); 2 We did something out of the ordinary (this was the first time we ever did something like it); 3 He told me that out of all the blessings that God has given me, the one that I should be thankful for the most is him, coming into my life (he sure is a blessing, and I'm very thankful that he loves me like no other). Just happy :))