The screaming poet inside me : Retrieved poems Part I

sisay ka?

sisay ka?
nata wara kang kaiba?
haen ang tigpagmamalaki mong
nagpapadaba saimo?
nata wara?
nata wara kang kaiba?,,

nata dumugon ang bado mo?
nata wara kang kaiba?
nagpara-ibi ka?
haen na ang
tigpagmamalaki mong mapahid
sa mga luha mo?
nata wara?
nata wara kang kaiba?,,

makaherak ka man
wara kang kaiba
tumindog ka na diyan
mag-iba ka sako
papadabaon ta ika
papahidon ko ang mga luha mo
kuhaon mo ang kamot ko
pwede mo ako makaiba,,

-tERe-

why stay on earth? you have heaven waiting, right?

loneliness only seen by the blind
felt but then left behind
i caged my heart
it is now surrounded by knives
it will cut you real deep
if you tried to bring harm,,

i am invinsible
an angel forbidden to feel love
i will only feel happiness from now on
God told me it was enough
wasting time
teardrops are for those 
who are weak
smiles for those
whom eternity seeks,,

i have wings now
i will soon fly high
you will look up at me
and finally
you would ask yourself why,,

-tERe-
07/20/06

masochist

an hour glass

with the sands of my time 
is slowly drifting away
leaving bitter memories behind,,

i cradled to a pillow beside
i could not cry

i cant understand why
am i overwhelmed
with anger bursting inside?
love is slowly killing me
will i soon bid goodbye?,,

i lighted a cigarette
i intensely satisfied
disturbing thoughts
were filling up my mind
torment, torture, torrent
i cant bare this pain inside
time is running out
will God give me one final shot?,,

-tERe-
07/09/06

senses

can you feel the pain

of my crying soul?

can you fix my broken heart

and make it whole?

will you hold me tight?

i feel so cold

will you build dreams

and sleep with me

through each night

until we grow old?,,

hear my silent sighs

and see through me

beneath crying smiles

see the flowing tears

behind my journeys

with bitter suicides

touch my mournful hands

that held on to chains

of a cage with only

a candles light,,

save me

i will soon die

in this bed of thorns,,

-tERe-

06/06/06

be with me tonight

be with me tonight

tell me it is all right

dancing under the moonlight

whispering sweet thoughts

to make me realize

how wonderful life is

if only i opened my eyes

to what was in your sight,,

be with me tonight

tell me it is all right

free me from

this hallow disguise

reveal to me

the true meaning of

love and life,,

be with me tonight

tell me it is all right

hold my hands tight

take me to a place

where hope resides

find the key that dwells

in the core of my mind

help me ease this pain

and let the burden subside,,

-tERe-

06/04/06

it's been so long

it's been so long

since i've been sitting here

with the defeaning silence

only dreaming of my

uneachable utopia

my sparks of hope

vanished with the wicked

summer breeze

this pain is so hard to ease,,

blankets of comfort

scattered around me

but i refused to hold one

so dearly,,

i am scared

i lost all hopes

isn't it so unfair?

i'm tied up

with all these ropes,,

-tERe-

06/01/06

long waits, long nights

i am the keeper of my grief

holding on to my relief

cigarettes burning

one by one

while sitting next to

my shattered dreams,,

blinded by the evening light

i kept waiting for someone

to sing to me to sleep

and kiss me goodnight,,

you were too hard to reach

i sat still

i kept waiting for the moment

to disappear with the smoke

i just satisfied

it has always been like this

long waits, long nights,,

-tERe-

05/31/06

enough

alone in my deserted corner

trying to deal with my desperation

i feel chills in my spine

i can't stand to fly,,

i tried to close my eyes

to disover a way out

of the maze in my mind

with never-ending paths,,

i feel helpless

spinning around in circles

i feel sober

i think i had enough

enough of this cruel world

enough of my fatal destiny

enough of you and me

enough of asking

how is it going to be?

-tERe-

05/28/06

to you my "daba", whom I once loved so true, goodbye

a lifeless stone

in the middle of love and hate

is what i am

from the moment i failed

i failed because of dreams

that were never made true

i failed because i lost you,,

would it be fair

if i curse you?

or would i just

sit here and wait for you?

inch by inch

day by day

this thorn of pain

digs deeper and deeper

into the midst of my soul,,

reasons, lies, time

would not matter

just come back to me

with the promises you made

and your smile

that changed my whole world

from the moment you came

until this day that you left me

all alone,,

-tERe-

friend or foe?

amidst my battle between love and war

i found a cradle in you

you held my body and soul

you wiped the shedding blood

that the stabs of pain caused,,

are you real,

or are you another curse?

i wept and held you tight

waited for my wounds to heal

and as i opened my eyes

i was blinded by the reflection

of a mirror's light,,

you seemed sincere

am i being fooled

of what was in sight?

you, holding a knife

ready to stab me again

and make me suffer

the pain of fear

to end my weary night,,

-tERe-

05/28/06

bitter surrender

beneath the pool of my desirable thoughts

i lay naked as fought

with the anger and misery

that my love for you brought,,

i struggled

i tried to breathe

but i am tangled with confusion and fear

will i still try,

or will i just let myself drown?

will you be there to save me,

or will you just smile as you watch me

vanish and finally sink,,

as i close my eyes

the memories of you and me

appeared in the back of my mind

then i smiled as i prayed for your happiness

it is time to let go now

it was never meant to be,,

-tERe-

05/26/06

free sober mind

laugh like a child

think freely without understanding why

be inside the world of playful minds

make decisions without worrying

for what wil be left behind

dream to touch the stars

above so high

wouldn't that be easier

than to snap back to a reality

full of shattered dreams

and words undefined

how i wish to be in the utopia

of being like a child

free from worries

free  rfom heartaches and pain

sleeping to dream of unicorns

and waking to another day only to play

and again,

smiling as a blanket of comfort

covers a fragile soul

from then on awaits

a disturbing world

that will soon unfold,,

-tERe-

07/12/06